好きなもの は 好き だから しょうがない [entries|friends|calendar] roseofpain84 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Leeching!!! - MERRY CHRISTMAS and a Happy new year! [28 Dec 2006|08:30pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Simple Plan - Happy together ( ok I put it now,so?) ] This is not an update, mind you! Rose (aka koinu-chan), isn't the one writing this.It's "I" , koneko-chan ^_^ I just decided to change the background of the lj to a nice tsubasa reservoir spoiler and also changing the userpic to something that some ppl know that read this lj & we call it Evul Banni. The thing it writes on the pic is from a real song...from Chuck Berry... If you have dirty mind you will find the lyrics hilarious. IF you have. Now if you are like the innocent little me...heh...hell I'm not innocent at all, but let them think that way. To whoever poor soul wants to read the lyrics, you can find them here http://www.angelfire.com/la/redwoodcreekfarm/dingaling.html And because I like distributing my ....drawings >.> , to anyone that wants to see, go here http://yamiremus.deviantart.com/ , yeah, thats me. One last thing. This lj now is used for leeching around the communities. Unless someone wants to change koinu's mind... and out! P.S.  2 videos for you . First Saint Etienne - Pale Movie (live) and second Naruto AMV One Last Breath. post comment

[22 Sep 2006|04:26am] [ mood | Whatever. ] [ music | eX Dream on repeat x 1000 times. ] LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SCREW YOU ALL!!! You don't comment? Fine! I won't update. Ever again. (Probably) No, I'm not expecting you to care. If you cared you would have commented in the first place I guess. You can give me all kinds of excuses about WHY you don't comment and they MIGHT be fine and acceptable (or they might not) but the bottom line is the same. YOU DIDN'T COMMENT. I might or might not talking about specific people right now. And when I say people I mean it as in 'more than 1 person'. So I MIGHT be referring to you but then again...I might NOT. If you are wondering what's the big deal anyway then...well, it's a big deal for me. I didn't make the journal just to write down my thoughts. I made it because I wanted comments on my thoughts by specific people. Specific people = people I have intentionally given this address to. So it  might or might not mean the people in my friends list. And again...I said people....not person. And again...if you are thinking about excuses why you didn't comment...I don't care. Still, you didn't. I sound like an attention whore, don't I? Why yes...I am one. Whatever. Who cares anyway? I'd delete the whole damn thing but heh. I love the communities. They allow me to be a great leecher and stuff...<3 Now goodbye and go to hell or something. 4 comments|post comment

No one writes the fanfictions I want to read..>_> [20 Sep 2006|11:33am] [ mood | Too many different feelings... ] [ music | some dogs barking outside... ] It seems that lately I've been trying to persuade some of my friends *coughAnnchancoughMimachancough* that they aren't some kind of evil, twisted, dark, weirdos that need to hate themselves. And I strongly believe that they aren't. As I also strongly believe that hating yourself is pointless. No matter how good or bad you are....either you are a saint or a devil...there will always be people who'll hate you. So why hating yourself when others can do a better job? I mean, if you are gonna be hated anyway...and I believe you will...then why bother wallowing in selfhatred and selfdisgust? Hatred is a heavy burden most of the times. Why burdening yourself? Let someone else do it. I really believe all those things and I did stop hating myself a few years ago. I'll be myself and well..who ever is to like me will like me. If they don't...I'm not gonna change myself for anyone. And YET...here I am today kinda hating myself. Thinking that I am some kind of disguting weirdo that needs to be locked in a basement and never see the light of day again. Hmm..I can't help it. It's mostly guilt and regret about me not being able to control my feelings/emotions/reactions and never using my logic. For some reason, some people think that it's cool that I'd immedietely attack someone who annoys me. No kidding...people have told me that I'm cool because of that. Yet, I don't understand it....personally, I think it's a part of me that makes me be ashamed of myself, and something that I'd like to change. Not to change it because someone elsedoesn't like it but because I don't like it. I'm afraid that I'll hurt people that I carefor or that I'll make them mad at me just by jumping at their throats (mentally or physically) for unimportant things that just frustrate me for a small period of time. My anger and frustration can rise very high for things that are meaningless and that I'm going to forget after a few seconds. Most of the times I yell at someon I immediately regret it and feel bad that once again I acted before thinking...yet, even in the rare times that I feel like saying 'sorry' I know that apologizing is useless. There's no reason to apologize for something that I'm gonna do again even when I'm truthfully sorry, right? It saddens me to think that someone might get really mad at me and hate me just because of something I said on impulse and because I couldn't control my reactions/feelings. Well, not that anyone will read this and know what I mean now, right? And on a side note: WTF! NO ONE IN THIS WORLD WRITES THE FANFICTIONS I WANT TO READ? DO I HAVE TO WRITE THEM ON MY OWN GODAMMIT? post comment

bleh... [17 Sep 2006|03:15am] [ mood | sleepy-lonely-deprressed-tired ] [ music | Silnence.... ] ...umm....one more day wasted away? ...i dunno.... ...probably.... ...i'm tired.... ...goodnight... post comment

I wish I had a custom mood theme...:-/ [06 Sep 2006|02:14am] [ mood | sick + sad = crappy ] [ music | My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise) ] Coughing and sneezing at the same time is a bit....annoying. Having a medicine that stops your nose from being stuffed but makes your throat sore is even more annoying. Being sick and sad at the same time doubles the crappy feelings. <3 What I wanted to say is..... See... I always, always complain and say that no one cares for me. And I always say that people ignore me. Well.... You see, I don't mean this. When I say 'everybody hates me' or 'nobody likes me' or 'people ignore me'....you know, I don't actually mean those things. Well, I guess what I really mean isn't THAT important. It's totally important for me but it's not important enough for those who don't read this anyway...I'd like to say this to everyone I know....'When I complain about people hating me, this is not exactly what I mean', but probably only Ann -neechan still reads this LJ! I'mma force some more people to read it I guess? Now it's kinda true....I'm a bit of an attention whore. I don't like it when people ignore me. Maybe I ask for a bit more attention than most people but I don't ask for attention from everyone. If I just wanted attention from everyone I'd go out and dance naked in the streets. All I want is for people to care for me and show it to me. Even though I'm on the group of people who can't show their feelings that easily. People that I actually like think that I hate them because they misinterpret my actions....so my only way to make my feelings known is to actually tell them. But words don't mean much, right?.... Someone might say 'I care for you' and show totally the opposite. Yet, it all comes to how each person interprets the other's actions, right? In short, how am I ever gonna be sure about who cares for me and who doesn't? I guess I shouldn't be caring about who cares for me and who doesn't, right? Well, isn't it normal to wonder if my friendscare for me or not? It's not as if I wonder about every single person I meet....>_> Also, if you care for me and I'm still whinning that no one cares for me....maybe you just don't care enough? ( I say...'maybe', this doesn't have to be true and if it is...it still doesn't have to be true for all my friends) And if you are wondering 'how much is enough?'...well, as much as I qant you to, of course! Yeah, I know all those sound kinda shelfish but I just wanted to clarify that I don't really believe that everyone hates me. I just don't talk clearly....My bad but.....it's more interesting this way. 3 comments|post comment

Tralalalala...I'm a bitch, bitch, BITCH [21 Jul 2006|10:23pm] [ mood | crappy ] Don't you know that?..I am, I really am...a big fat BITCH. If you don't know it.....learn it. Cause my mom seems to not be able to face the fact. She thinks that because she whines and cries all day that her hand hurts I am going to actually help her with house chores. Especially when said house chores are things she does just becauseshe enjoys doing them and not things that are necessary to bedone. Especially since whenever I tried to help her I got yelled at more because I didn't do things perfectly well andexactly the way she wanted them to bedone. Oh but...don't get me wrong...I'm not putting the blame on her. I know it's my fault. I can't feel sympathy for people who are in pain cause I've either never hurt that much or I'm just sucking it up and not whinning about it when my body hurts for some reason. And I'm a lazy bum. We all know that, right? I won't move from my seat unles it's for my own benefit. Unless -I- want to. I won't move for others. And then she says I stay all day in my room and avoid her and I never sit with her to talk. Talk about WHAT? Talk about the books I read? But she won't care. Talk about the music I listen? But she won't care. Talk about my feelings? She'll just say I am insane and that I need therapy. Which Iprobably do but this not the way to put it to someone. Last time I was crying she clearly told me 'Don't expect me to feel sorry for you. I hate people who are crying'. Yet, NOW she expects ME to feel sorry for her cause she is crying all day about her arm that hurts. Even if it's her fault that it hurts. But NO...the reasons I cry about arestupid. And she only got mad at me causeshe worries about me and doesn't want me to cry and scvrew up my health for stupid reasons. Stupid according to her opinion. And even so.....GREAT way to show you are concerned about someone. Screw it. I'm not gonna sit and talk to someone who shares no interests with me. I don't want to talk to people that don't care about the things I talk about because it makles me feel like an idiot. And YES, rthis is all I want to talk about, books, movies, music and the internet. And she has no knowledge about any of them. And I'm bored of my life and of fighting with my parents all day. I do love them. I really do. But it's like they are trying to make me hate them. I know they do it for my own good but this is just the wrong way to go for it. They only make things worse instead of making them better. On another note, I went on a Scorpions live on Wednesday. For those of you who don't know it, the Scorpions are a 80s rock band. I was going to write more about the concert but right now I am too frustrated to do it. I had a good time and I was able to enjoy 3 drum solos and listen/watch live 3 songs that I never thought I'd be able to see live. It was an awesome experience though the waiting time almost drove me mad. 1 comment|post comment

Runaway train never coming back.... [11 Jul 2006|03:41am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Okina Reika - Tsuki no CURSE ] I kinda feel that....I wanna run away.... Far Far Far Away. From everyone... and everything. I'm bored of this stupid country, I'm bored of always doing the same things, always seeing the same things...every day...again and again....worrying for the same old shit, being depressed for the same old shit and looking at the world as if it's a movie and I'm on the audience. No, not even as if I'm on the audience....More like...as if I'm looking secretly from somewhere, without having paid a ticket. Everything is so dull and boring.....I'm sick of it all. I wish I could go somewhere far away and start a new life or something. But I don't have the money. Oh, that sounds as a very stupid excuse, right?. I guess it is. There are many peoplewho live their houses without money and they are able to survive and have a good life. I mostly don't have the courage to stand on mjy own feet, to standalone. I don't want to stand alone....and if I run away...I'll miss some people....I might be getting bored of places and situations but I never get bored of people. But seriously now....no one will miss me. Most of my so called friends have forgotten me already. They won't care if I leave...they'll just replace me and go on. Is that so bad?...Everyone says that you gotta move on with your life and not cry over people who left or things that were lost. Of course, when you are the one left back, forgotten, it hurts. I'm trying to fool myself and say that, no, they care for me...they just can't show it. Bullshit, big, fat, bullshit. Oh yes, sure...they care for me. But...not enough. Not enough to miss me if I leave. Not enough to call me back if I run away. Not enough to want me by their side if I'm not there. And no...I am not talking about one person. Everyone of my 'friends' is like that. My real life friends at least. Frankly, my internet friends are most likely to say 'I missed you' than my real life friends. I don't know if I want that anymore.....If I'm not wanted then....I should stop talking at them. I don't look for just people to hang out with, I'm looking for real friends that I can have a strong bond with. That our lives and souls will really be linked together. Yet every sibgle one of my friends have told me that they don't believe in friendship. Sad, isn't it? And I still run behind them...still trying to fool myself, trying to convince myself that they really love me. No. No, they don't. And it's very egotistical of me to ask them to do just because I want. But on the same time...I can't just stop talking them......maybe they won't miss me but I will. And still, I remain here, feeling chained. Chained by myself I guess. Waiting for someone to come and help me because I am so unwilling to help myself. But no one cares enough to help me....they all move on and away from me....'You want to follow? Fine, you arewelcome to do so. But if you don't we aren't gonna wait for you.' That's how it is. Andeven though it'd be mean for me to ask someonbe to destroy their lives just to stay with me....if they really loved me they wouldn't think of it as 'destroying their lives'. Well, I'm mad anyway. So many people have said so. One day I might find the courage to run away and I know....no onewill follow. And no one will try to keep me back...... Not the ones I want to anyway. 3 comments|post comment

Whatever...I dare you to find me the good parts. [07 Jun 2006|05:44am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | dead silence.. ] ( Nothing for you to read here... ) 1 comment|post comment

*smells the moussaka her mom is cooking anddrools* [04 Jun 2006|01:14pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Nothing...for some reason....o_o; ] ( List of funny sayings I found in Gaia. ) Seriously.......I think I'm paranoid....and no, I don't mean the song by Garbage... I want to build a fortress around my house cause I'm afraid that someone might break into and kill me. (if you think this in't paranoid...you should hear the fortress description and reconsider it). I see non existant Yahoo messenger windows. Yeah, you know that littl;e window that pops up when someone on your friends; list grts online?...I see it even when it's not there.... I have a constant fear that the fan will fall from the ceiling while spinning and cut my head off or at the very least break my computer's screen. After spending an awful lot of time in Gaia and reading too many topics about it I have a fear that all my friends hate me but just won't tell me cause they try to act polite. Thgose and a few more things make me believe I've already lost my mind to paranoia...\(^o^)/ 2 comments|post comment

That's not me.....It's the Insomnia that's talking.... [02 Jun 2006|10:38am] [ mood | Insomniac ] [ music | t.A.T.u. - Show Me Love <3 ] Get out of my head dammit! GET OUT! OUT! You occupy too much place and because of this I cannot sleep. So...OUT! ::SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM:: No...really....REALLY. When you are stuck thinking of something....it is impossible to sleep. Nooot that I was sleepy to begin with. But....STIL....It'd be nice to be able to sleep like...before noon or something. Ann-chan....thanks to you I am not obsessed with Strawberry Panic. I watched all 9 episodes that are on youtube AND NOW I WANT MORE. The whole series...NOW. Right now. Did anyone say I'm impatient?....No, cause if you did....*deathglares* Maybe I should download the raw version of episode 10....but that will make me angrier cause I won't be able to tell what exactly is going on. *headbangs with t.A.T.u.* I shall go to youtube and find something else to obsess over until I get sleepy enough to collapse on my bed. And then of course, I will wake up after 20.30 again and one more I won't go to buy Il Gato Sul G. I really need to learn how to teleport. I mean...walking, buses etc..is just for commoners....not for a future world dictator like me. Oh, by the way, there are those rumours around that the world will end at 06/06/06. Yeah.....If it only dares.....IF it DARES to end that day......I'm going to....to...to....I dunno....END IT FOR A SECOND TIME?.... Really, dear world...if you want to end your life...just wait and do it after the summer....OR ELSE I'LL BE REALLY PISSED. And we don't want that now...do we? *super evil smile* Yes, my dear Akito. I did too. 1 comment|post comment

Stealing things from other people's LJ's is fun...XD [31 May 2006|12:26am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Grnet Crow - Kimi no Omoi Egaita Yume Atsumeru HEAVEN ] ( Jrock survery thing ) And....my head will most likely explode from confusion sooner or later. So better stay away from me. 1 comment|post comment

Being crazy is a lonely road... [29 Apr 2006|12:15pm] [ music | Le Rois du Monde <3 ] I feel weird.... very very very W.E.I.R.D. I dunno what the fuck is wrong with me....I feel as if I am incomplete or empty or generally as if something is missing. And I feel as is if I have heaps of energy inside and nothing to target it on. Sooner or later I'll start attacking people at random...o_o;;;; I wanna do something but I don't know what.... Just...something....Not anything but something specific...the problem is that I don't know what that 'specific' thing is. I'M LOSING MY MIND!!! That mind that I never had in the first place.... Yesterday I was sleeping all day and all night because staying awake made me feel too uneasy... Knowing that you want something but not knowing what it is is very confusing....o_x Ah, I dunno...I think my mind will explode....I need to stop putting pressure on it in order to make it stfu and well..my mind also needs to stop putting pressure on me by sending me weird thoughts.... I'm going to kill some braincells now by playing stupid online games....XP 4 comments|post comment

Apparently I don't deserve an answer to the SMSs and emails I send... [18 Apr 2006|07:23pm] [ mood | cold ] Keyboard Error: Press F1 to continue ............ *megatwitch* 4 comments|post comment

insignificant... [05 Apr 2006|06:11pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | X Japan - The Last Song ] I wish the world would drop dead, so that I would have a reason to drop dead along with it without having to be accused of trying to commit suicide. Yes, I am insane...and the worst thing is that I realised what is the problem. And the even worse thging is that...I can't do anything about it.....it's not up to me. Oh, also.....I just had a big fight with my parents which resulted to my mom telling me that when I wake up I should better not open my mouth and stop bothering her. I guess I am a bother for too many people. 4 comments|post comment

~_~;; [25 Mar 2006|01:43am] [ mood | EXTREMELY BORED ] [ music | Something by Anna Vissi ] Did I mention I'm back?...Noooo...I forgot it....! Well...most of you know I'm back online cause you already talked to me... kijoshi chan....I have staaaaaamps!!! Sending things on Monday....^^ I hope you'll receive them soon. Now I'm totally bored...so....SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO UNBORE ME!.......Before I open photoshop and start making stupid colorbars again...~_~; No...seriously....I can't take any more boredom.....If something exciting doesn't happen soon I'm going to explode or inplode or well...something that will result n me becoming a black hole and sucking all the world inside me... And recently I found out that to have a customized mood theme on lj you must have a paid account....Well...go fuck yourself my dear LJ....you'll be the first to get sucked inside the black hole I'll create.... I'm listening to greek music.....Something must be wrong with me......>_>; 3 comments|post comment

-taking a break- [13 Mar 2006|03:14am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | OMG....TOTAL SILENCE! *kowaii* ] Ah....see...I decided to take a small break from the Internet. For a few days. I think I need it....! Lately all I do is get online...I just depend too much on it. That can't be very good. Of course, I should be saying I'll be taking a break from the PC too but hey....one step at a time! So for now....I'll *try* to be away from the net for a few days...Probably 5-7 days...So I guess I'll be online again on Friday or on the weekend! It's not that you'll miss me but just in case you wonder where the hell I went to. If you want to tell me something, just send me an email...I'll be checking my mail etc once each day so yeah...If you wanna say anything...drop me a line.... Koneko-chan: I still haven't decided if I can forgive you....It's not that I don't want to...but I'm not sure if I can! And I know you don't care much but I just felt like letting you know...XD (If you notice my post that is...) Ata-kun: I am not sure if you read my posts, but in case you do...Once again, thanks a lot for the postcard! It really cheered me up! :-3 Ann-chan: We haven't 'met' online for ages! x_x I missed talking to you. And I know you'll be wanting to kill me by now but I still haven't mailed your stuff! I think someone in the universe is plotting against my intentions of sending you things. I even woke up early to go to the post to buy stamps one day and...they were on strike...WTF! x_X Shaki-chan: (If you check my lj...XP ) Thanks for repeatedly trying to brainwash me to watch FMWS! I really enjoyed it...and since you said you wanna draw more fanart of it...well..draw Mitsuki with Takuto...x_x Mima-chan: I'm glad we talked today! You said you might have internet this week, so in case you get online and see this...Don't worry....you didn't get rid of me yet...I'll be back! Oh geez guys...why do I even bother? You won't even see what I wrote here...except from Ann-chan I guesssince she is a nice girl and comments in most of my posts *glomps*! But it's OK....I felt like posting it anyway!! XD Matta ne~ 1 comment|post comment

[11 Mar 2006|04:04pm] [ mood | Fucked Up ] [ music | Daz Sampson - Teenage Life (on repeat...x_x) ] Well, you fucked me up for good! Are you happy now? I hope you are! ( A recent pic of mine, taken on a friend's house ) 1 comment|post comment

^^;; [06 Mar 2006|09:24am] [ mood | cold ] Ahm...*coughs to clear throat* I admit being 100% guilty of giving in to the power of Fruits Basket spoilers. I got the raw scans, I got translations/summaries and now...I'm drowning happily in aaaaall the things I learned about the story! Yeah, ignore me....I just overdosed on furuba....@_@ 5 comments|post comment

I.wanna.die! [17 Feb 2006|05:27am] [ music | Savage Genius - Forever ] Yesh, yesh...I wanna die!!! Isn't THAT awesome now?... Don't worry though...I'm not going to do anything stupid and kill myself....! (not that anyone will worry, but just in case someone will..) I know that neither dying nor saying that I wanna die changes anything... I am the one who has to change things. But I can't, because most of the things aren't up to me. Well, I can just 'deal with them' or 'get over them'....but I can't do that and maybe I don't wanna do that... Hey, I just keep on hopelessly hoping that things aren't like they obviously are and that in the end I'll get my way... Bullshit, I know. I should give up. Really. It can't get any more obvious but...that's just me... And surely, whinning about it in my lj doesn't help but...I don't know how to laugh it off and be happy... Besides, wasn't lj created so that people can have a place to whine to? Maybe I should be locking th posts though, I mean...if I want to whine it's OK, but it doesn't mean that others want to read my bullshit too...^^; Poor people, I feel sorry for you....and I feel sorry for me too....u_u; Ah, feeling sorry for yourself is very bad...^^; I wish I could run away....away from everything...but the only thing I wanna run away from is at the same time the only thing I don't wanna run away from....o_O; That just sounds stupid....I should just give up. Why is it that sometimes giving up is the hardest thing to do? Well, enjoy your moments...while I'll just be missing the moments I enjoyed...Because, that's just me. I find no reason to walk way from the things I enjoy...so,when those things move way...I have nothing else to do but to miss them. Maybe, it's my posessiveness that does this... Knowing why it happens doesn't stop anything from happening though... 3 comments|post comment

Oh lookit! My dreams got shattered again! :-o [08 Feb 2006|08:07pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | The Yellow Monkey - Yoake no Scat ] Akito-san!!! Heeheehee! I still don't know why am I fangirling over Akito-san! Maybe cause I have a little of Akito inside me too! Which isn't exactly a good thing! But oh well...Whateeeever~ After much spazing and saying that I want to write a story but that I don't know what to write, I decide to write one more Harry Potter fanfiction! HOW Original!! *sweatdrops* I mght post it here if I finish it?....I don't know....Maaaaybe. Depending on how much it's gonna suck...^^; I think I got Sirius a bit out of character....but um...it doesn't matter, much...^^; It's cold as hell again and I am freezing. Or um...wait....Hell can't be cold so 'cold as Hell' doesn't make sense...But what would I know anyway? It's not as if I've ever been in Hell. For all I know it could be cold and freezing. I'll see once I die and get there...! Ummm...I just forgot everything else I was planning to write here....o_o; I am a true goldfish after all. OK...not really....There are things that I remember far too well. Things that...hmm....not that I wish to forget. Just things that I wish I wouldn't have put in my memory in the first place! If that makes sense....u_u; I need to read more of Fruits Basket. Before I explode or something...And I couldn't even keep myself away from the spoilers....T_T But...it wasn't my fault. I didn't intent to look at spoilers. Ijust stumbled across them and then I just had to look for a few more details. And goddammit...that was a HUGE spoiler. *sigh* If I knew Japanese I wouldn't have to wait for scanlations...I'd be able to read the raw scans...or even order the original manga and read them. Though I don't have a credit card so I wouldn't really be able to do that... Heh....I kinda feel the need to scream things at people's faces...Really Really REALLY loud...but I won't do it, because even if I do it, I am so insignificant that my words will have no impact. I better go write the rest of my fanfic now...^^   Oh and..... Come with me! Come with me! Come with me! Come with me! 3 comments|post comment

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